Philippians 2:5-8
Merriam-Webster Definition of Humble
Lets take each of these and discuss how they apply to the Lord, and how we should apply them to ourselves as husbands.
1: Not proud or haughty.
Jesus was born to a poor family (as demonstrated by their offering in Luke 2:24), and born in a barn. He was almighty God, but took on human flesh, and took the form of a bondservant. He was obedient to God until death. We as husbands can’t ‘stoop as low’ as Christ did, becoming a man. But we should not perceive ourselves as “too good” or “above” serving our wives. You may be a brain surgeon, but it would be wise to not dismiss doing an occasional load of dishes or laundry even if your wife is a homemaker.
2: reflecting, expressing, or offered in a spirit of deference or submission
Verse 7 comes alive here, as Jesus came to serve our needs that were unable to be met any other way. We need to become ‘bondservants’ to our wives, placing their needs, not desires, above our own. In serving we ensure that our wives feel loved and comforted, as we do in Christ, as He sacrificed Himself for our redemption. I am going to try to provide a bit more clarity on what service was rendered as a “bondservant”. The people of the time when Jesus walked the earth wanted freedom from the Romans… They wanted an earthly king. I mention this because I think it’s an important distinction to make from ‘submission’, in that as the leader in your household, it is up to you to determine what your wife truly needs as per God’s instruction. Instead of Jesus giving the people an earthly ruler, He bore our sins, and gave us the redemption we truly needed. I say this from personal experience, that there are plenty of situations where your wife’s desires shouldn’t be met and her needs should be tended to instead… I’m going to avoid obvious sinful requests, poor financial decisions that could impact the family negatively, etc. But even spending time in a wasteful manner is something to be avoided. Now if it comes down to “wasting time” watching a baseball game versus “wasting time” going to a ballet, then I think there’s an argument to be made that you should take your wife to the ballet. But if your wife wants to go to brunch every Sunday morning with a foodie group, and begrudges you taking her to church… you should do what is best for her and take her to church.
3a: ranking low in a hierarchy or scale
Here we can see verse 8 clearly, as Jesus submitted to God the Father. We see Jesus praying throughout the New Testament, and submitting to the Father’s will prior to performing miracles, and submitting to death on the cross. Jesus, being equal with God, put the Father’s will above His own desires. A sadly common expression is “always look out for #1”, inferring yourself. Instead we need to submit ourselves to God, and we need to love our wives as such that their needs take precedence over our needs, and their desires over our desires. Do not be selfish in your life, but love your wife, and love your neighbor.
3b: not costly or luxurious
I never want to pass on the opportunity to reflect on how God’s gift of salvation is not costly. There is no condition we need to meet to earn God’s love, and to accept his gift of eternal life. We need to love our wives in the same manner, without precondition. You cannot force your wife to recognize your love, or to accept your love, however we should not place conditions on our love either. We are to forgive seventy times seven, so once forgiveness is requested, we must forgive. Psalm 103:12 NKJV “As far as the east is from the west, So far has He removed our transgressions from us.” I understand this is a tall order. As someone who has suffered from an unfaithful spouse, physical abuse, and more I know there are ‘offenses’ and there are ‘OFFENSES’. But Christ forgave all our sins, the ‘big ones’* and the ‘little ones’*. While you’re working on trying to process that thought, think about this: Once we said ‘I do (accept your gift of salvation)’, Jesus forgave all our sins. Past, present, future. Marriage is intended to be for life. Your wife will offend you. If you truly want your marriage to be ‘till death’, you need to go into your marriage with the mindset that you have already forgiven these future offenses. This doesn’t alleviate your wife’s need to repent in this illustration, however you need to submit to God and grant forgiveness.
*I am not suggesting that God sees sins as ‘big’ or ‘little’.